The satirical Bishop Achrestos was a guiding force for the United Methodist Church during its recent unpleasantries as evidenced by his previous contributions to this site here, here, and here. I lost track of him until he made news recently as the newly elected President of the Brood of Bishops for the Universal Methodist Church.
For immediate release.
Effectively immediately the Universal Methodist Church will observe the practice of open baptism.
I encourage the churches to administer baptism at every service of communion without inquiry or conditions made upon the people.
This is the Lord’s font. It is not this Church’s font. All are welcome to receive baptism. It is not our invitation. We do not determine the guest list to the kingdom. No one has the special power to know Christ’s intention when he invites someone to the water.
Baptism is the door of the Church. The door is open. A door that is not open is a wall. We have no bouncer at the door of baptism. It is not our job to protect God from his people. Baptism was never meant to be denied, but open and available to all. Jesus told his disciples to go everywhere and baptize everybody. If he didn’t deny Judas, how can anybody be denied? We cannot have clergy inserting themselves between the people and the baptismal font. As if the clergy were morally pure enough to make such a call.
All persons must be offered the opportunity of baptism at every celebration of Holy Communion. We will not require anyone to adhere to a narrow man-made doctrine on the nature of God or commit to any promises prior to baptism. We will not make any inquiry or demand that is not made of communicants.
The invitation to Communion should be revised as follows to include both the Table and the Font:
“Jesus invites to the table and the waters all who are attracted to his teaching and feel affection for him, who regret the bad things they have done, and who want to be better people.”
One baptismal station should be established near the approach to the altar and another at the exit to the altar so people may choose to be baptized before or after Communion.* If a person so desires, they may stop at one of the baptism stations, bow their head, and the attendant will administer the water with the words, “I baptize you in the name of the Creator, Redeemer, and sustaining Spirit.” (The traditional formula may be used at the request of the candidate; however, this should be reported to the membership care committee for gender affirming follow up.)
I know you will rejoice with me as we move into this exciting new thing that God is opening up to share his grace with more people than ever before. We anticipate that this will do much to reverse our long decline in baptism numbers.
I remind all Methodists: Stay focused on your local church mission. We are stronger together than apart. Make disciples for the transformation of the world. Open hearts, open minds, open doors. May the Force be with you. Things go better with Coke!
* If baptism fonts are too bulky to move or are otherwise unavailable, water pistols are a portable and effective alternative.
Bishop Apólytos Achrestos, President, Brood of Bishops, Universal Methodist Church, 01 April 2025
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